Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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