god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
