Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
