Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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