I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
