Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
