the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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