Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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