I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We are all done wearing pants today
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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