That's intense
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
