A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
