if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
