The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
