yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
