worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
