i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
