while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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