I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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