Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
