I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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