physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
