I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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