I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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