the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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