So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
