I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize