just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
