You smell like a Billy Joel song
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
