Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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