i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
