4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
