i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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