You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
