I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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