So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
