After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
