It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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