____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
