If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
