It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
