In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
