My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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