yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
