My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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