Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
