How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
