Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
