that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
