Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i love accidental penises.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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