I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
