Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
