You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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