You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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