How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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