I am puke
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
