I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
