Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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