its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
