I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
