a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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