And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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