Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
