I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
