it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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