Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
