i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All the doctor said was why
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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